I lie awake
Thinking of you
While the moon shines bright.
Time passes by
But you remain
In the center of my night
Where I wonder how you are
And what kind of thoughts
May have crossed your mind today
While all I can do
Is keep wondering
As time goes by.
I lie awake
Today I met the sun above the clouds.
She smiled and touched me gently,
and kissed my sorrows away.
What a rare and beautiful encounter
that was, above these clouds today.
When the red ball kisses the horizon
and the river starts to softly sing her goodnight song,
then I too will have to leave
my last footsteps on this muddy ground
and join the wind on her last ride
When sometimes people ask me why I start laughing at most random times,
I like to tell them that it’s often for no particular reason but the absurdity of life itself.
To me, it’s like imagining monkeys in a zoo sitting at tiny tables drinking out of tiny cups – it doesn’t make sense – so why would they do it?
Now, if we think about humans, we are animals as well, but we like to think of ourselves as being so smart and sophisticated creatures, and that we can grow beyond our animal brains and behaviors, because we think we are so much smarter and more self-aware than everyone else on this planet, whereas the truth is, I like to believe, that we cannot inhibit our old animal brain instincts, which give us the urge and desire to lust for sex and for satisfaction of our sensual needs for touch, smell, taste as well as the social demands that we have – the need to fit in and be of importance to someone and have a role within our tribes.
And I believe this discrepancy causes us such troubles – the realization that we cannot get rid of the old animal brain and solely keep the new smart self-aware brain – that we are trying so hard to be someone that we are not. We are humans trapped in the belief that we are more than that. And now we are trying to produce AI to proof that even more, that we are so clever, but we will still stay humans at heart and body. Maybe a new species will appear through that research and development, but the rest of us will still seek the love of our parents, will want to find a partner to grow old with, will seek the respect and loyalty of friends and coworkers and live a life full of sensations and fun and opportunities to grow.
And that’s what makes me laugh sometimes, when I look around society or places I spend time at. I just have to smile and laugh how funnily we behave, how serious we take things and ourselves, as if any of that really mattered. It’s just crazy and so endlessly comic to me to watch and I enjoy laughing about this incredible absurdity of life sometimes.
They say I am different,
well actually, they don’t.
I say it to myself, because I feel it so,
so misplaced in these daily surroundings;
where instead I want to run and jump and hike
want to cover myself with a sky full of stars
want to dive deep into that river of passion
want to touch this beautifully soft fur of generosity, kindness and love
and want to have enough time to do all that so.
But many times out there,
in real life that is,
I encounter bright and stabbing lights
thick and sticky rooms
noisy and way too chatty crowds.
I wonder, is it just me
who gets a shiver and the urge to run away
when being trapped in these concrete houses?
What I know is that I do feel different
so many times
but that I want to embrace it now,
I want to turn off the lights when they bother me,
want to shhhh when people talk too much,
want to open the window when the air makes me sweat.
And why not? I ask, while I do not feel so different all the time.
I look or move
Or what I say.
Can’t you see me?
Can’t you see ME?
I just want to read and write
Read and write
All days and nights
All summer and winters
During rain or sunlight
During morning or evening
I want to read and write
And live and love life in between,
That’s all I want
All I want.
Through this dark and snowy night
without anyone noticing,
it was long after midnight.
The wind blowing ice-cold air in my face,
I heard footsteps cracking through the snow,
they were mine.
is what came to my mind.
The freedom to walk through this beautiful winter scene
long after midnight
without having to worry about a thing.
This country brings me freedom,
it brings me the capacity to dream
how much longer will the birds have to sing
will the squirrels have to swing
will the sun have to shine
will the rain have to fall
will the seasons have to crawl
will my heart have to beat
will my body have to sleep
before I can see you again.
I can’t sleep
My eyes are closed
But I am wide awake.
I reach out
I see you
But I can’t hold on to you,
You stay in the distance
The smile I love
But it’s not for me,
It disappears in the wind
The feeling stays.