Neujahr

Wenn wir ganz leise sind, und allein, dann können wir plötzlich die Welt hören, in jedem Detail und mit jedem Makel – die höchste Form der Schönheit. Die ferne Weite hat es mir besonders angetan, sowie das atemberaubende Farbspiel am Abendhimmel, kurz bevor die Sonne “Gute Nacht” sagt. Und so wie ein Jahr am 31. des Dezembermonats das letzte Mal die Sonne sieht, so verlassen uns auch manchmal geliebte Menschen, die dann aber genau wie vergangene Jahre nicht einfach verschwinden, sondern nur ihre Form verändern.

Und manchmal, wenn wir uns einsam und allein fühlen, selbst unter Freunden, und denken, dass uns niemand versteht, so ist das doch nur ein kurzer Moment von tiefer Traurigkeit, der aber wie ein schöner Sonnenuntergang auch vorübergeht und nur eine Widerspiegelung unserer Menschlichkeit ist.

Und so lasst uns menschlich sein, traurig, einsam, zusammen und doch oft überglücklich, denn wir atmen und wir können uns trotz der Schwere der Welt an einem wunderschönen kalten Neujahrstag erfreuen. Wir werden nicht aufgeben nach Schönheit und Ehrlichkeit zu suchen. Und so lässt sich immer ein wegweisender heller Stern am dunklen Nachthimmel finden.

Memories

Weeks have past, life has changed. Distractions. I thought I could look back and smile. I thought I could find you in the wind caressing my skin. Memories still hurt. Nothing was the same and it is still not. It will never be. Now that you are gone. The clocks have stopped ticking. I realize. And forever will they remain silent. Without beautiful souls like yours, time has lost its meaning.

Grandpa and grandma

I smell it.
Especially now,
that I sit here
and become aware of my presence.
It is a sweet smell,
humid,
it is rain.
Rarely have I smelled something more intense,
and beautiful.
Rain drops falling.
Manny of them.
Lights are creating a soft tickle on my skin,
the room looks cozy.
Slow music is playing,
the song reflects the moment I am in.
Right now.
I just sit.
My back hurts.
It has been hurting for days.
Stressed. Tense.
But I am so happy.
Content.
Present.
I am present.
Because I love
everything around me.
The green. The nature. The trees in front of my window.
The weather. Sunny. And then sad and hopeless.
The same way the world is sometimes.
People are so friendly.
So much possibility lies ahead of us.
Surrounded by so much creativity.
After such a long search. Such a long hunt.
I end up not having what I always wanted so dearly.
And yet, I sit here with pure joy.
I wasn’t ready. And maybe I am not still.
But I appreciate it now, that journey.
I feel my old self, and I am glad I made it, to the other side.
What hurts most, is that you are missing.
Grandpa, grandma. I wish I could tell you about all that.
I miss you so. No day passes where I don’t think about you.
You are not dead. You showed me love and I will never forget.

A lifetime

I don’t know! – she shouts.
He looks at her.
She stares back.
Silence.
A drop of sweat falls to the ground.
The hair on her neck starts to stand up.
Still. Tthey glance at each other.
Nobody moves.
Her finger, she lifts it
and touches his hand.
He shrinks back for a second,
but then he cannot resist.
Seventy years of life have they shared,
and they just cannot stay mad at each other for long.