A dance, two spirits—
push and pull.
don‘t know each other well
enough just yet. Can you hear
the stars flickering in eternal
But these spirits, these souls,
they are as much here as they
are there; they are as much
as they are just so much alike.
A beautiful illusion, this life,
this dance where we’re already
A dance, two spirits—
I want to be so much more than this.
I want to make this one life mine, want to
expand into all kinds of directions.
I want to see you in me, want to feel more
you and me, want to forget about what I learned
when I was just so young.
I want to dance, want to laugh and paint and move and spill these glasses of wine that unleash this so deeply wild side in me.
I want to live;
that‘s all I ever really wanted.
Fear. I am not afraid
of anything but you and what
you represent to me.
To fear you means to abandon
me for the sake of others. It
means to clip my wings so they
can be attached to somebody else.
And as much as I enjoy being helpful
and supportive, it does cause me to slowly
die inside if boundaries remain unseen.
Afraid to live, afraid to die—a vicious cycle
that will never end
unless I attach those wings back onto myself.
Swim with the stream, not against it, I remembered them say.
And when I saw this terribly frightening storm come towards me,
I remembered to not hold up against it, but to instead open up to it.
I opened my arms and let the storm in; it whirled me up a bit and I
was scared, for a second, but then it saw that there was nothing to
gain, that I was gladly welcoming everything that hurt, and daringly
facing the dark monster in the clouds.
And so the storm moved on, it passed right through me, it couldn’t
find anything to feed its power. And although it was painful, for a while,
I was able to move on with my day, until the next wave would come, and
that was okay. I hadn’t resisted this time.
Love is what keeps earth’s
balance, what keeps us calm
amidst all the insanity, this complexity.
Real or not, this world, who knows,
but with love, with love we suddenly know,
with love we suddenly just are, we are enough.
Everything just suddenly is enough.
What shall I write
the hand asked the heart
for did it want to express
the troubles of the heart.
But the heart remained silent
as there was no way
to transform what was felt
into lines of ink just yet.
These sudden emotions
rumbled like thunderstorms above stormy waters,
untamable and unpredictable,
scarily dark and deeply sad,
but also so authentically fragile, beautiful and true (at least I thought).
It would take some time
for them to evolve into something the brain,
and maybe world, would be able to grasp.
Until then no words or letters could express
or live up to what was felt
so deep down inside.
This love, it cannot be tamed, it cannot be kept safely within boundaries, it cannot last forever but it sure can be ignited every day anew. It can warm us from the inside on those frosty winter days, it can be the flickering but steady light in the seemingly endless dark. Whenever we are ready, whenever we open ourselves up to the world, to another, it can be there within us.
This love, it will not carry us like the wind carries the clouds, but instead it will be the hot fuel that keeps us going through day and night, through bright and dark, through sickness and health. It will be what takes us on that crazy ride through valleys and tunnels and high up on these mountains and back down, reminding us of what it means to be alive and to love and be loved.
This love, it can be anything we want it to be, it can be all we ever need or nothing at all. This love, it’s ours to shape, and ours to nourish and if we do so well, we can live from it forever.
When sometimes people ask me why I start laughing at most random times,
I like to tell them that it’s often for no particular reason but the absurdity of life itself.
To me, it’s like imagining monkeys in a zoo sitting at tiny tables drinking out of tiny cups – it doesn’t make sense – so why would they do it?
Now, if we think about humans, we are animals as well, but we like to think of ourselves as being so smart and sophisticated creatures, and that we can grow beyond our animal brains and behaviors, because we think we are so much smarter and more self-aware than everyone else on this planet, whereas the truth is, I like to believe, that we cannot inhibit our old animal brain instincts, which give us the urge and desire to lust for sex and for satisfaction of our sensual needs for touch, smell, taste as well as the social demands that we have – the need to fit in and be of importance to someone and have a role within our tribes.
And I believe this discrepancy causes us such troubles – the realization that we cannot get rid of the old animal brain and solely keep the new smart self-aware brain – that we are trying so hard to be someone that we are not. We are humans trapped in the belief that we are more than that. And now we are trying to produce AI to proof that even more, that we are so clever, but we will still stay humans at heart and body. Maybe a new species will appear through that research and development, but the rest of us will still seek the love of our parents, will want to find a partner to grow old with, will seek the respect and loyalty of friends and coworkers and live a life full of sensations and fun and opportunities to grow.
And that’s what makes me laugh sometimes, when I look around society or places I spend time at. I just have to smile and laugh how funnily we behave, how serious we take things and ourselves, as if any of that really mattered. It’s just crazy and so endlessly comic to me to watch and I enjoy laughing about this incredible absurdity of life sometimes.
They say I am different,
well actually, they don’t.
I say it to myself, because I feel it so,
so misplaced in these daily surroundings;
where instead I want to run and jump and hike
want to cover myself with a sky full of stars
want to dive deep into that river of passion
want to touch this beautifully soft fur of generosity, kindness and love
and want to have enough time to do all that so.
But many times out there,
in real life that is,
I encounter bright and stabbing lights
thick and sticky rooms
noisy and way too chatty crowds.
I wonder, is it just me
who gets a shiver and the urge to run away
when being trapped in these concrete houses?
What I know is that I do feel different
so many times
but that I want to embrace it now,
I want to turn off the lights when they bother me,
want to shhhh when people talk too much,
want to open the window when the air makes me sweat.
And why not? I ask, while I do not feel so different all the time.
how much longer will the birds have to sing
will the squirrels have to swing
will the sun have to shine
will the rain have to fall
will the seasons have to crawl
will my heart have to beat
will my body have to sleep
before I can see you again.