I smell it.
that I sit here
and become aware of my presence.
It is a sweet smell,
it is rain.
Rarely have I smelled something more intense,
Rain drops falling.
Manny of them.
Lights are creating a soft tickle on my skin,
the room looks cozy.
Slow music is playing,
the song reflects the moment I am in.
I just sit.
My back hurts.
It has been hurting for days.
But I am so happy.
I am present.
Because I love
everything around me.
The green. The nature. The trees in front of my window.
The weather. Sunny. And then sad and hopeless.
The same way the world is sometimes.
People are so friendly.
So much possibility lies ahead of us.
Surrounded by so much creativity.
After such a long search. Such a long hunt.
I end up not having what I always wanted so dearly.
And yet, I sit here with pure joy.
I wasn’t ready. And maybe I am not still.
But I appreciate it now, that journey.
I feel my old self, and I am glad I made it, to the other side.
What hurts most, is that you are missing.
Grandpa, grandma. I wish I could tell you about all that.
I miss you so. No day passes where I don’t think about you.
You are not dead. You showed me love and I will never forget.
I smell it.